A Way to Yes

A reflection and story on the power of yes.

Strategic No

The importance of saying no to prevent task saturation is undeniable.

Managing your plate and not taking on unnecessary tasks is crucial for performance maximization and burnout prevention.

You will find plenty of posts on productivity about the power of no.

Noes are necessary.

How you say no, however, is extremely important.

When you can’t do something or don’t have the desire to take it on, find a way to yes by providing resources, best points of contact, and other solutions to provide support.

Noes can always be respectful. “No, but…” leading into ways to point one in the right direction or provide future expectations can turn a dismissal into an opportunity for connection.

Strategically saying no is a skill. Development of this skill can lead to enhanced relationships and communication without pressure to always agree or accept all requests.

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Prioritizing Yes

If you’re familiar with my account, you know family is my #1 value. Every action is considered through the lens of being the best father, husband, and man I can be for them and the world we inhabit.

I’m currently blessed with three incredible children: Evelyn (7), Samuel (5), and James (3).

Working full time, I know I need to prioritize both quantity of time around my children and quality of my presence with them.

Quantity of time is relatively easy. If I’m not at work, I’m either spending time at least near them at home, taking them to their respective activities, or bringing them with me to mine.

All of this quantity, however, isn’t always quality. When I can’t be fully present for various reasons, I do my best to explain why and provide expectations for when it will come in the future.

I’ve found quality is best derived in a few fashions. One is that I’ll find fun things to do with the boys while we wait on Evelyn after taking her to ballet, gymnastics, or piano. Attempting to stack experiences and time together around our activities adds extra value when out of the house for a given reason. Another is that I’ll schedule dedicated time for one-on-one play with them individually or collectively. Dancing or playing dolls with Evelyn, climbing or playing catch with Sam, and coloring or wrestling with James are all cherished activities that we actively plan for. Ten minutes doing any of these activities scratches the itch we all have for meaningful time with one another. Whenever I’m able to complete tasks or find pockets of time at home, I also like to just ease my way into their world with whatever they’re doing. I don’t want dad time to just be a result of planning, especially because most scheduled activities don’t go according to plan. Spontaneous experiences typically produce some of our favorite memories.

I’m continuously reminded that most of life’s beauty can’t be forced or planned for. It comes from presence and open-mindedness. With the kids, it comes from letting them lead and primarily direct whatever we are doing. Exploring the world through their eyes warms my heart and reframes so much of my perspective.

I’m committed to being as involved as I can be in their lives in the ways they want me to be. Fortunately for me, they REALLY want me around these days. I know this won’t always be the case so I’m doing everything I can to make the most of the opportunity.

My main intention in attempting to sustain their desire to have me around is saying yes to any requests around spending time with me as often as possible. This isn’t always possible, so I often schedule a future yes to requests when I’m unable to commit at a particular time.

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A Story

Recently, we were having a family dinner. My wife likes to light candles and create a warm environment to make these family occasions feel extra special. The kids, fascinated by fire, all enjoy blowing out the candles after we are finished (or much sooner when they’re feeling naughty). Being one of those nights, my youngest James, was having a hard time waiting until the end of the meal and kept blowing out both candles. After a few attempts to relight them, we decided we just weren’t going to have lit candles anymore so he could focus on eating. His older brother, Sam, calmly requested if we could light one after we were all done so he could make a wish. There was a sweet but serious aspect to this question that made it easy for us to comply. The kids typically don’t make wishes, so we were naturally intrigued when Sam closed his eyes and then blew out the candle. When my wife asked him if he wanted to share his wish, he slightly smiled and looked at me with his pure, innocent eyes and said, “I wished to go on a fishing trip with my dad.”

He and I have done many things together. We had never been fishing. Fulfilling this wish became one of the most important commitments in my life. It led to me taking a day off work for an overnight camping trip that produced a memory that I will remember forever. We didn’t catch any fish, but it didn’t matter. The hikes, skipping of rocks, a one-on-one soccer game, kayaking, learning how to cast a reel, making a fire from wood we scavenged to cook over, enduring the elements, getting up early for the sunrise, and the conversations about life made the experience exceed every expectation.

While I knew many uncontrollable aspects could impact “success” of the fishing trip, I also knew Sammy’s wish was more for special time with me more than anything else.

After telling a few stories and reading a book, I was drifting off to sleep while enjoying the sounds of nature when I heard a soft, “Hey dad?”

I responded with “Yeah buddy?”

Sammy then said, “This was my favorite day. I’ll remember it for 100 years.”

Core memory sealed.

I’m the luckiest guy in the world to have children who want to spend time with me. Continuously making that time desirable and worthwhile is something I take very seriously.

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Why I Train

I train to live fully. To say yes to whatever life has to offer. The best offering life has provided me is my children.

When it comes to spending time with them, I say yes as often as possible because before long I know I’ll be the one asking and hoping not to hear a no.

Get better at respectfully and strategically saying no to ensure you can fully execute on your yeses.

Saying no means nothing if there isn’t any delivery when you say yes.

There’s nothing impressive about how well one manages his plate if he doesn’t fully execute on his commitments.

When you agree to do something, do it with the best effort and attitude possible.

A half-ass yes might as well be no.

Credibility is derived from yes execution. Without credibility, there will be no understanding or respect when you say no.

Find a way to yes to things and those that matter most.

My son.