Intentional Stress Challenge: Don’t Cuss

Progress challenge series to practice the skill of self-control.

Opportunity For Improvement

I enjoy cussing.

In informal settings, I’m silly as often as I am serious. In formal settings, I work hard to make them informal whenever possible.

Cussing, for me, has always been a way to make statements funnier than they already are. The taboo nature of a good cuss can cause confusion, discomfort, and/or significance based on the person. All funny in the right context when delivered well to people who know you’re well intended.

There are countless occasions where cussing is ill-advised, especially in the presence of mixed crowds or children. Being able to turn on or off the use of cussing is a skill like anything else. For the habitual curser, replacing dirty words with an appropriate alternative is a great way to train cognitive flexibility.

When rational, the switch between formal and informal dialogue is clearer and not as challenging. We can consciously consider what we are saying and how we are saying it. When stressed, however, executive function is suppressed and we lean on our innate reactions.

While I enjoy cussing primarily to entertain myself, I’m also prone to cussing emotionally. Slipping an f-bomb in response to a stressor is a sure-fire way to know I’m distressed. Even if I don’t externally produce the word, the worst things one can say often occur in my head in response to undesirable adversity.

It took a challenge from my daughter to realize this opportunity for improvement.

Evelyn’s Challenge

My daughter, Evelyn, is almost eight and this is the first year she decided to take part in giving something up for Lent (Christian tradition involving fasting/abstinence). Knowing my wife was giving up social media, Evelyn decided she would give up her iPad which is one of her favorite ways to pass time when I’m coaching jiu-jitsu or functional fitness classes. Her younger brother, Sam, decided to join in and give up video games (cleverly saying only on the PlayStation so iPad was still an option at the gym) while we all seriously joked that her youngest brother, James, gave up listening.

I asked the kids what they thought I should go without for forty days.

Evelyn looked at me with a cheeky grin and said, “I dare you to give up cussing.”

Now it’s important to note I’m not some drunken sailor at home. RARELY do the kids hear me cuss, although I’ve been known to let loose a little more when I’m coaching the adults classes/training with my teammates. She said it in a way that she knew it’d be challenging for me. I’ve always taken pride in being able to intentionally control myself based on the situations I’m in, but she discreetly indicated that she may be hearing more bad words from my mouth than I’d thought. She also said it as if she was one of my buddies who know that the best way to get me to do something is to tell me I won’t/can’t do it.

Challenge accepted.

In response to the call out from my sweet daughter that made me feel like I need to step my game up in this domain, I suggested we make it more interesting. For every cuss word I let slip, I’d owe $5 to St. Jude’s Hospital. Evelyn made sure the words “crap” and “suck” were included. We made a note in my phone that would be the official counter for the month while I promised to be honest about whenever I may cuss when she’s not around. I told her to remember what the counter looked like because it wouldn’t change over the next forty days.

Wrong.

What I initially thought would be a simple challenge turned into a formative experience that changed my relationship with cussing and my ability to detect and intervene on the stress response.

It also led to this challenge series where I share lessons from my extended attempt to not cuss and strategies to apply these methods to any detrimental thinking pattern you may have in your life.

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Progressive Challenge Series

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