James Stockdale: Resilience is a Mental State
The story of James Stockdale demonstrating the power of resilient mental states.
Stories, particularly real ones, are incredibly powerful. They demonstrate the potential humans have despite unimaginable circumstances.
“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, who had ever been alive.”
-James Baldwin
is one of my favorite storytellers on this platform. He has the unique ability to break down a book into a five-minute post that both encapsulates the story and the wisdom it can provide.
Andres has graciously created a piece on one of my favorite Stoics - James Stockdale.
In Love and War remains one of the best books I have ever read. Written by James and his wife Sybil, it is the true story of their life - particularly during his time as a prisoner of war in Vietnam (1965-1973).
Andres beautifully takes aspects of this story to create a powerful lesson that the great James Stockdale proved: resilience comes from within.
By
There is a timeless and deep truth my friend Kyle Shepard likes to say:
"Resilience is a mental state."
When I first heard these words, they seemed simple, almost obvious. But like most profound insights, their depth revealed itself slowly. What exactly does it mean for resilience to be a mental state? How can something so powerful exist primarily in our minds rather than our circumstances?
To truly understand this, we can look at someone who lived this truth in the harshest conditions imaginable—James Stockdale.
On September 9, 1965, Stockdale's A-4 Skyhawk was shot down over North Vietnam. Enemy fire had torn through his aircraft, and as he pulled the ejection handle, James Stockdale had a moment of stunning clarity:
"Five years down there, at least. I'm leaving the world of technology and entering the world of Epictetus."
And just like this, the most difficult period of his life was about to start.
In those few seconds falling through the air, Stockdale wasn't just guessing his future—he was calling on the philosophy that would determine the fate of his life.
A philosophy that would turn him into one of the most recognized resilient leaders of the modern era.
The Making of a Resilient Leader
Born in small-town Illinois during the Great Depression, Stockdale showed his many talents early—excelling in football, basketball, track, and even winning piano contests. This mix of physical and mental skills took him to the Naval Academy, where he showed the adaptability that would later save his life.
Flying became his passion. Stockdale rose quickly, mastering every prop plane the Navy had before standing out at Test Pilot School alongside John Glenn, who later became a renowned astronaut.
But it was time away from flying that truly changed him. At Stanford University in 1959, Stockdale took a philosophy class and discovered the ancient teacher Epictetus, whose simple but powerful idea—that while we can't control what happens to us, we can control how we respond—struck him deeply. "I was a better man for finding philosophy," Stockdale later said.
This new way of thinking came just in time. And thank God. He would need it.
As his parachute opened over enemy territory on that fateful day in 1965, Stockdale was about to become the highest-ranking naval officer held captive during the Vietnam War.
James Stockdale went to hell.
Unbeknownst to him, his journey into captivity wasn't just the end of freedom—it was the beginning of a test that would define the man he was.
Life at the infamous “Hanoi Hilton” prison was brutal:
He was subjected to regular beatings, including blows to his face and body, often leaving him severely injured.
For two years, Stockdale was put into heavy, abrasive leg irons each night, which cut into his skin and left him immobilized.
During one session, his captors twisted, tortured, and left untreated his already severely injured leg, further exacerbating his physical suffering.
He spent four years in solitary confinement in a tiny, windowless cell measuring 3 by 9 feet. The light bulb in his cell was kept on 24/7 to disrupt sleep cycles, and he was deprived of human contact for extended periods.
But Stockdale would never give up. Stockdale would fight. Harder than ever.
As the senior officer among the prisoners, Stockdale established a code of conduct and a communication system using wall taps that allowed prisoners to share information and maintain morale. This system became vital to maintaining a sense of community and resistance among the isolated prisoners.
While his external freedom was completely restricted, Stockdale focused intensely on what he could control—his responses, his thoughts, and his values.
On one particular occasion in 1969, he realized that he was going to be used by foreign journalists for propaganda purposes. His reaction? Stockdale cut and smashed his face with a wooden stool knowing that his captors would not display a prisoner who was disfigured.
Another time, he slit his wrists with broken glass to demonstrate to his captors that he preferred death to submission. This act forced his enemies to provide life-saving care rather than threat of torture. He demonstrated they may physically control his body, but that his mind and soul would remain free. There was nothing anyone could do to compromise his philosophy and will.
What an unshakable individual.
What his captors never understood was that Stockdale realized a profound truth: resilience isn't about avoiding pain but transcending it.
His mental state continued to be his and his only.
When he was finally released in 1973, after seven and a half years of intense suffering, his enemies expected to see a broken shell of a man. Instead, they witnessed something that defied all the odds: a man who had used their torture to forge an unbreakable spirit.
The biggest act of Stockdale's resilience wasn't that he survived—it's that he emerged not as a victim, but as a victor.
He went on to become President of The Naval War College (1977-1979), President of the Citadel (1979-1980), Senior Research Fellow at the Hoover Institution for fifteen years, a public speaker, author, devoted husband, and loving father.
But what was his secret? What kept him going when others lost hope? How did he continue to respond to adversity both during and post captivity with resilience rather than resignation? What can we learn from him?
It’s all about a mental framework that gives you a tool to face hardship and become more resilient— an idea that will help you transcend adversity: resilience is a mental state.
The Stockdale Paradox
The "Stockdale Paradox" represents one of the most powerful frameworks for human resilience ever articulated. When author Jim Collins interviewed Stockdale years later for his book Good to Great, he wanted to figure out what caused some to break when others persevered. He asked James, “Who didn’t make it out?” Stockdale's answer was startling:
"Oh, that's easy. It was the optimists."
This seeming contradiction led to Stockdale explaining what became his paradox: "I never lost faith in the end of the story. I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade."
He fully accepted the brutal daily reality of his imprisonment while never losing his deep faith that someday he would be free and find meaning in all this suffering.
It’s like when we’re having a hard time and it all seems dark, but then we finally overcome all the challenges and emerge stronger than ever. Which is not to say that thinking positive is all you need.
Stockdale clearly knew it’s not about blind optimism:
"You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."
And who were the optimists?
"They were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.”
What will happen if you think something is impossible? You’ll never make it.
What will happen if you think something is possible? You may get it one day.
Possibility, therefore, is a choice.
The ability to balance two opposite ideas—hope when things look hopeless and honest acceptance of harsh reality—is what set Stockdale apart from others who didn't make it through.
Stockdale’s resilience was a profound acceptance of his situation combined with an unshakable determination.
And this holds a message for all of us.
The Choice That Defines Us
Right now, as you read these words, you're facing something. That project that's falling apart. The relationship that's slipping away. The diagnosis you can't undo. The fear of failure that keeps you awake at night.
There will be moments when doubt appears and failure seems certain. But at the same time, you'll also hold onto the belief that somehow, you'll find a way through.
You don’t have to create a fantasy world to escape reality. You don’t need to tell yourself lies about your current situation. If it sucks, it sucks. What you can do is to look directly at it and say: "This is happening. But it will not define me."
Just accept it. Make it better.
Unlike those who clung to blind optimism or fell into despair, Stockdale created another way—he accepted his suffering while maintaining an unbreakable inner certainty that he would survive and find meaning in it all.
Stockdale didn't delude himself about his circumstances, yet he never abandoned faith in eventual liberation.
Stockdale transformed his imprisonment from meaningless torture into a test of character and an opportunity to serve others.
Resilience isn't what most people think. It's not about being tough enough to avoid pain or strong enough to power through difficulty without feeling it. It's not even about bouncing back quickly.
It’s about recognizing that you have a power that no one can take from you unless you surrender it: the power to choose resilience.
Resilience is a mental state that can be forged from within.
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Okay, y'all made me cry at this one! Such an indomitable spirit, so many great insights too. And the James Baldwin quote is 🔥
This is a fantastic collab, loved every word!
Honesty and acceptance (not to be confused with surrender), paired with faith (not to be confused with expectation) and determination. Love this post so much. It’s a piece worthy of a second and third read.