On Quitting
Reframing forms of quitting into strengths to support resilience.
Resilient Mindset: Beyond “Never Quit”
The never quit mentality can be powerful.
Quitting isn’t a consideration I entertain in most endeavors.
Pushing through resistance, overcoming adversity, and achieving what was once perceptually impossible requires a resolve that suppresses any thought of quitting.
In order to accomplish something tough, you need to be tough.
Nothing good comes easy.
Discontinuing early due to discomfort or hardship is normal.
You’ll never be extraordinary by doing what is ordinary.
Patience, persistence, discipline, and hard work are all requirements of sustained progress. These traits deter most from staying in the arena long enough for desired change.
Even being a good person is consistently challenging.
Allowing emotions to lead - subconsciously reacting to circumstances - seems to require less work. It’s easier to avoid inner labor when we already have so much on our plates.
No.
Fearing failure, pursuing ease, and avoiding challenge are all forms of weakness.
Quitting because of weakness is unacceptable. Decisions made to preserve mental deficiencies makes one a liability. Continuous cowardice crumbles the spirit.
Refusing to quit, however, can also become problematic. Not all forms of quitting are detrimental.
The ability to pivot rather than mindlessly persist is essential.
Anything can be used in excess.
Perceived strengths can become liabilities when they aren’t consciously applied.
Adaptability is a skill that must be trained.
Just yesterday morning, Jon Macaskill and Men Talking Mindfulness collaborated on a phenomenal post that beautifully covers this concept:
Reframing Quitting
We tend to apply positive or negative connotations to words, thoughts, feelings, actions, people, and events.
There is no bad or good in most cases.
In many instances, the word quit can be replaced with various alternatives:
Pivot
Modify
Update
Withdraw
Recalibrate
Discontinue
Accept
Embracing and learning from failure
You never have really failed or quit if your purpose is continued growth.
Every failure is an opportunity to learn.
We are all initially incompetent when learning a new skill. You can’t become elite without countless failures. Early losses and even various forms of quitting are opportunities to collect data about your current capabilities and future potential.
Embrace mistakes.
Fail up.
Know that allowing yourself to screw up early in a process is the path to eventual mastery.
Seeking support
Asking for help is a strength. Old school mental toughness perceived needing assistance as weak.
Most mental health disorders consider significance or time of symptoms when making a diagnosis. Typically, the required duration for chronic issues is 30 days.
How many times have you struggled with the same problem for more than a month in your life?
Medical intervention may not be necessary in many instances when a problem persists for several weeks, but this is an opportune time to seek support.
Asking for help when needed isn’t quitting.
Accepting short-term losses while continuing to focus on future strategic wins
A good leader knows every battle can’t be won.
Retreating to regroup and recalibrating with a new plan before reengaging is better than letting stubbornness lead to devastation.
There is no linear progress in any pursuit.
There will be setbacks.
There will be losses.
There will be times where you need to accept you can’t go on.
Detach, reassess, reengage.
Focus on your overall vision and not the minor details.
Perfection isn’t possible so embrace quitting an unproductive pursuit when it no longer makes sense.
Modifying as needed to persist
Who is mentally tougher? The guy who collapses from exhaustion halfway through a 40-minute workout because he refused to modify any movement or exertion or the girl next to him who modified as need to keep going? I get to witness these exact situations regularly with my teammates.
Modifications don’t just have to be physical. Many refuse to “quit” their opinions, beliefs, and perspectives.
Nonsense.
Reframing or updating existing perspectives is a sign of growth. Even consideration of changing your mind can be of benefit.
Maintain rational presence always.
Modify before breaking.
Refusal and stubbornness are weaknesses.
Taking breaks to recover
This consideration is important for the savages.
Consider the endurance runner with a lingering injury who attempts to push through leading to bigger problems down the line.
The mind can override the body regardless of circumstance. Maintaining self-command despite competing sensory signals is a skill that’s attainable by all. Hurt is different than injured. We can keep going when hurt. Injured, however, requires attention and recovery.
Nuance is key.
Taking breaks and intentionally resting to encourage recovery is wise, not weak.
You can listen to your body without being a victim to your urges.
Pivoting when lessons reveal opportunities
Pivoting is my favorite word to replace quitting when discontinuing an unproductive effort.
If your goal is to make money for your family, changing careers might make sense.
If your goal is to get your child involved in a team sport, pivoting to a new activity if soccer isn’t a good fit after an adequate attempt isn’t quitting, it’s pivoting.
Think of the manager whose plan is failing and is too proud to consider a different approach.
Pivoting is essential to prevent the prolonging of unnecessary endeavors or eventual catastrophic failures.
Withdrawing from net negative pursuits
Net negative simply implies the downsides of a situation outweigh the benefits.
There is no place for chronic net negatives in your life.
Determining a net negative pursuit, however, requires cognitive flexibility and the ability to consider time. Contemplating divorce requires more time and prevention efforts than seeking help on a difficult project you are struggling with.
It’s also important to be aware of your mental state when assessing a potential net negative. When stressed, everything feels worse. Recognizing negative thinking patterns and recovering from emotional reasoning is crucial before determining a net negative. Major decisions require rationality over time.
Reframe quitting to a productive choice when it makes sense for your goals, purpose, or values in life.
When to Quit
A resilient mindset doesn’t initially consider quitting as an option.
Where are the opportunities?
Control what you can.
Focus on the process, not the outcome.
We can all do hard things if we decide to.
Embracing the never quit attitude while maintaining rational control and an open mind provides balance. Nuance is needed when life isn’t on the line. Prolonged performance and opportunities for continued growth require cognitive flexibility.
Prevent excess application of grit, perseverance, or mental toughness by asking questions:
Can I do more?
Is the decision to potentially quit resulting from stress or reason?
Have other options be attempted?
Have I allowed myself enough time to get through this challenge?
Has my pursuit become a net negative?
Consider the significance of the circumstance and the amount of time it has been a problem. Ensure you’re contemplating your decision from a rational perspective over a reasonable amount of time. Communicate concerns, ask for help, and exhaust all resources before making a call if the decision impacts others.
Persist when you can, quit when you have to.
As I was developing this post, the powerful Zach Homol wrote a fantastic piece on this very subject - particularly the best questions to ask when determining whether or not to quit. If looking for elite mindsets, look no further than Zach.
The One Realm Where Quitting is Unacceptable
There are many times “quitting” may be an acceptable decision.
Discontinuing a workout, changing careers, and even divorce can be justified when all efforts to overcome issues have been properly attempted to avoid unnecessary forms of giving up. I would argue though that many quit in these domains far too early.
There is only one realm where quitting is never acceptable - life.
Give up on the significance or meaning of life inevitably leads to suffering.
When a life is on the line, quitting isn’t an option.
Whether caused by internal suffering or external circumstance, we MUST fight with everything we have to live.
Death is inevitable and uncertain.
We GET to choose how we live.
Honor those you love, both alive and deceased, by living to your absolute fullest.
Never quit on life.
Summary
Determining when quitting might be the best choice requires virtue.
Wisdom to weigh the options.
Courage to make a tough call.
Justice to ensure the decision is made for the right reasons.
Discipline over your mind and to consistently train the skill.
Do you have command over yourself?
How often do you push yourself to a controlled failure?
Testing your limits allows you to begin practicing the skill that is knowing when to modify or pivot.
Default never quit.
Uphold commitments to yourself and others with every ounce of effort you have.
Persist in the face of chaos with a rational mind.
Know when to detach and determine best course of action.
Self-command and situational awareness always.
Pivot, modify, or accept your losses when quitting contributes to larger life wins.
Strive to thrive - find ways to keep going when the original plan isn’t working.
Resilience requires adaptability.
Train the skill of knowing when to quit.
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Kyle Shepard, a man whose life embodies the very essence of resilience and Stoic principles. As a military Resilience Instructor and father of three, Kyle doesn't just teach mental toughness – he lives it. He's a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu brown belt, former world record holder for burpees, and has spent over a decade teaching warriors how to stay strong under pressure. But what truly sets Kyle apart isn't his impressive credentials. It's how he's transformed personal struggles into wisdom, combining Stoic principles with real-world experience.
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Whew Kyle! It seems a slippery slope. Clearly there are times it makes good sense to quit. For example, when what you’re doing is exacerbating an injury. Nor would I call taking a break in an exercise program to ensure that your form continues to be correct, quitting. That’s just good sense.
However I struggle with changing the name of quitting to pivot to make it not quitting.
Maybe I’m just too old a dog to learn new tricks. A rose by any other name…
You know in the military we refer to quitting as advancing to the rear.
Your Twisting challenge is a good example of, gulp, understanding your limitations and working within them and then overcoming them.
You are kind to provide alternative movements. I am growing to see my inability with some of the movements as an opportunity to catalog my (many) shortcomings. In the reverse burpee challenge my lack of hip mobility constrains me, as it does in Twisted. So I’m working daily on hip mobility. Have I quit? No, I’m regrouping and training to return and fight another day.