Seek External Validation

Exploration of the beneficial aspects of external validation.

Limitations of External Validation

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

External validation gets a bad rap and for good reason. One can’t be authentic while constantly concerned with the judgements of others.

Ancestrally, acceptance in the tribe was essential. External invalidation led to death.

Contribute or be cast away.

Fit in or get out.

Execute your role or risk extinction.

Ironically, the extreme constraints placed upon our ancestors provided a daily purpose - to make a productive impact on your community.

Supporting the tribe in an effort to collectively provide the daily needs of water, food, shelter, and security for all led to belonging, self-esteem, and self-actualization.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs was fulfilled from the bottom up.

Civilization has provided most with the comforts of having our basic needs readily accessible. The mission of effectively providing for ourselves and communities has changed. For many, the challenge is now moderation of food, drinking water rather than soda or alcohol, getting out of the established shelter, and engaging in risk-worthy activities.

We no longer have to struggle to survive. Life can be lived passively.

With the foundation of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs being accessible from the comforts of our couches, we now struggle with perceptions of safety and a sense of belonging.

Physically, we’ve never been safer compared to our ancestors. Psychologically, we’ve never had the simultaneous luxury of physical safety combined with access to worldwide reasons to feel unsafe.

Rumination rules the roost.

I can give 100 realistic possibilities of your life ending by the time you finish reading this post.

I can also give one to help you reorient - none of them are in your control.

Endlessly ponder the uncertain, the unfair, and the uncontrollable to needlessly suffer.

Your perspective will always influence your reality as long as you’re lucky enough to be alive.

Watch the news, search the web, read the comments, or speak to those who concern themselves with all that is wrong with the world, however, and you’ll find yourself stuck in a psychologically unsafe loop.

Worse yet, we have countless systems designed to provide psychological safety through the guise of certainty and absolutes. Ideologies and algorithms attempt to short circuit our evolutionary biology to provide a sense of belonging amid uncertain safety in this complex world. Align with this political philosophy or believe this interpretation of an old text or risk not being accepted.

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner”

-Lao Tzu

In the modern world, people are more prone to imitating whatever is reportedly correct of the groups they want to belong in rather than risk perceptual judgement of being unsure or honest.

Why would one listen to the opinions of people they wouldn’t go to for advice?

There is no good answer to that question other than we are wired to fear external invalidation.

Culturally, we see the impacts of misplaced values that capitalize on our desire to belong: Social engagement metrics determine worth. Fashion and filters take precedence over character and skills. Emotion is promoted more than reason. Labels are applied instead of recognizing nuance. Identity is outsourced rather than seeking authenticity. Project judgments on others instead of reflecting on your own worth. Psychological safety is the goal as opposed to moral and spiritual integrity.

Seek external validation from all rather than risk invalidation from a few.

As an adult, constantly seeking acceptance is a slippery slope. The world and each person who inhabits it is complex. Seeking approval from the masses will only limit your capacity and fulfillment. We are the only ones who can truly gauge if our actions are consistently in alignment with our values.

“You will deserve respect from everyone if you will start by respecting yourself.”

-Musonius Rufus

Internal validation drives confidence, self-esteem, and resilience.

Extrinsic motivation leads to internal fragility.

We generally know the risk of seeking external validation, however, how does one cultivate internal validation in the developed, multi-tribal world?

We are fortunate for this dilemma. As with many modern problems, we can lean on ancient wisdom for solutions.