Short Stories From My Mother
Reflection on resilient memories from my childhood.
I was extremely fortunate to be raised by two parents who loved me deeply. My mother taught me commitment, sacrifice, and unconditional love. A Canadian from Montreal, mom is kind to a fault as those lovely Canucks can be - you know what I’m talking aboot.
It’s ironic that I now write online considering I’ve always been surrounded by beautiful writers. An avid reader growing up, I was in awe of both of my mom and her mother who would write poetry for their family members as a gift.
My mom has always been my biggest supporter. If you go back to posts from my first months on Substack, every post will have approximately one like. Take a guess at who those likes were from…
Shout out to , writer behind the fantastic account - The Curious Detour. It was Mark who recently suggested my mom and I collaborate on a post about past stories after she shared one in the comments on this post:
Turning Setbacks Into Opportunities
Two weeks ago, this article was guest posted on Chris Wojcik’s The Grappler’s Diary account. I first heard about Chris a few years ago as he was making waves as a professional grappler in some of the larger tour…
My mom starts off this piece with a few questions about where resilience, particularly in children, comes from. I believe it is a unique combination of nature and nurture.
Humans are resilient by design. recently wrote an article on this exact topic. of Polymathic Being has several fantastic articles on antifragility in humans demonstrating we are resilient by design. Two of my favorites are Trauma and Antifragility and Antifragility - A Baseline.
We evolved to embrace challenge. Ancestrally, resilience is written into our DNA.
Nurture, primarily based on past experience and available support systems, however, plays a huge role in the variability we see across humans when it comes to responding to adversity. The impact of love and perceived support can never be overstated when it comes to mental resilience in a person of any age.
Enjoy some short stories by my loving mother.
Are children born resilient or is resilience developed over time and circumstances?
How can some children bounce back and even thrive over repeated stressful instances?
Here are some stories about my son that make me ponder this question.
Stitches
Kyle was one of those kids who from a young age continuously showed resilience with whatever was thrown at him. When he was three and a half years old, his younger sister had her tonsils and adenoids removed. When his dad and I returned home with her, he was running around vying for our attention. Not paying attention to where he was going, he ran into the buffet and split the corner of his eye. His dad rushed him to the hospital as I stayed with our daughter since the sitter had already left. I felt terrible not being there and insisted they call if he required stitches. Kyle called from the hospital to ease my guilt and said "It's okay mom, you couldn't be with me because you had to stay with Ashley because she just had surgery. I already got my stitch."
The Witch
At four and a half years old, Kyle had a nightmare that a witch was trying to kill me. He came into our bedroom and approached my side of the bed. I was face-down in my pillow and he heard me gurgling. He woke up his dad saying my name. My husband quickly rolled me over. My eyes had rolled back in my head and I squirted blood out from biting my tongue. I was having a grand mal seizure.
Had he not had that nightmare and come into our room, I very well could have died.
After spending a few days in the hospital I returned home. Kyle was my new protector. If his dad had to work late he insisted on sleeping in our bed until he returned home in case something were to happen to me. He wasn't scared for himself but wanted to make sure he was there to take care of me.
Kyle recalls this story here:
Sticks and Stones
A neighbor's friend teased Kyle telling him he was only going to receive sticks and stones for his 4th birthday. Kyle let him know that would be ok because he would use them as bats and balls.
Always the child who could turn lemons into lemonade. He always woke up full of energy and in a good mood. His glass was never half empty but half full.
As a teenager Kyle's friend's father said that Kyle can converse with someone whether they are two or ninety-two. That still holds true and he makes people feel valued and appreciated.
Car Accident
When Kyle was about eight years old, he, his sister, and I were in an accident. Our van hit black ice and we flipped upside down rolling off the road. Miraculously, we bounced back and I was somehow able to stop on the same icy road. I immediately ran to a nearby home for help. The ambulance came and I had to be checked out as my head cracked the windshield even though we all had our seatbelts on. Kyle's sister Ashley also had a pulled muscle in her neck. Kyle was totally unharmed. The van was totaled with a broken axel. It was truly a miracle things weren't a lot worse. Kyle's dad came to the hospital and we were released. Ashley and I were ok and just wanted to go home and rest and relax. Kyle could have easily milked the traumatic experience and said he wanted to stay home too. All he wanted to do was be dropped off at school as if it were just another day. A car wreck was not going to keep him from his friends and studies.
Tree Swing
Kyle's friend's grandparents had a large tree with a rope swing in it. You had to climb up the tree grab the rope and hang on for dear life. Looking back it probably was a little dangerous even though multiple grandchildren did it all the time without incident.
When Kyle was around nine years old, we went over there and he wanted to try it. He climbed up the tree and froze. He was not feeling confident enough to do it. Realizing this, his dad and I did not push him but told him no pressure, we would come back and try it another day. Kyle was so disappointed in himself.
On the ride home I said "Kyle I knew you could do it but you needed to know you could do it." He said "Why didn't you tell me that when I was up in the tree?!?!?" That is all it took. Knowing I believed in him being able to do it gave him the confidence to go back the next day, climb that tree, grab that rope, and jump. The smile on his face as he executed it multiple times is a wonderful memory I treasure.
A Formative Year
During a soccer game in 6th grade Kyle broke his ankle. He had to have a cast causing him to be out for the rest of the season. The boys varsity basketball coach had asked Kyle to be a ball boy that season, an honored position for someone his age. Most kids would have declined under the current circumstances, but Kyle was determined to do it. The other ball boys were not very kind to him. Being from a different school, Kyle was the new kid in an established group. Regularly playing games to make him the odd man out, they were mean and made him feel unwanted.
That was a hard year for Kyle.
Anyone else probably would have quit. Kyle persevered. Over time he gained their respect and admiration with all becoming some of his closest friends. He was in two of their weddings and remains friends with all of them to this day.
Young Protector
During a friend's party in seventh grade (actually one of the ball boys birthdays), the group was going for an evening walk in an alley by his house. One of the girls recently had her appendix removed and she was lagging a little behind. Suddenly she let out a scream as a man had grabbed her. The kids nearby took off running in every direction, but Kyle ran towards him. The man was drunk and Kyle, all seventy pounds of him, grabbed his arm trying to make him let go of her. She was able to get away, but he grabbed Kyle's neck. Kyle was able to somehow break free, pick up a beer bottle, and throw it at him as he escaped.
That evening when the doorbell rang and Kyle was standing there with his friend's mom I asked, "What has he done?" She told me he was a hero and what had happened as I noticed the large mark on his neck.
Who knows what would have happened if Kyle hadn't stepped in.
It was a very proud moment for us as parents.
Heat is a Mental State (Until Heat Stroke)
Kyle may not have been the biggest player on the high school football field but he was one of the hardest workers. He would tackle people with one hundred-plus pounds on him. I have a poster of him diving horizontally into someone who was twice his size.
Kyle would go to early morning football conditioning, then to his summer job at a lawn care company. After that, he’d attend football practice, then finish his day at his varsity basketball summer league, which was forty-five minutes away.
During this time the air conditioner went out on his car. He said it was fine. We realized it wasn’t fine when we happened to drive by him and his head was hanging out the window as he drove. We promptly replaced the AC. Sometimes it is ok to not be resilient and accept help...
Burst Appendix
Kyle was in grad school attending a conference in Chicago. Long story short, his appendix ruptured. He had been sick for days not realizing what it was and did not immediately go to the hospital after it ruptured. We are very lucky it did not cost him his life. They could not do surgery right away due to infection. Miraculously they were able to remove it days later. After losing twenty-five pounds from being septic and eight days in the hospital, we were able to drive him back to his apartment in Ohio. The next day we picked up his meds and I cooked him several meals. I was planning on staying with him for at least a week to make sure he was taken care of and healing okay. He declined the offer and to the shock of his classmates and professors he was back at his classes on Monday.
He wrote about this experience here:
A couple of months later he did his first triathlon. That in itself was an impressive feat but add to the fact he got kicked in the face several times while swimming, he swam the wrong because his goggles kept fogging up, and his bike chain broke forcing him to ride in the wrong gear. Despite all this adversity, he was able finish within ten minutes of the original goal he set prior to his appendix bursting. If not for his resilience, determination, and sheer will, none of this could have been possible.
Children are born resilient.
Humans evolved because of resilience.
Experience, support systems, and developed strategies all contribute to improved resilience over time.
Having a mother who loves you never hurt either.
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This is profoundly special. What a gift to have these stories in one place—and to see how they thread into who you (Kyle) are and why you do what you do. There are so many takeaways, but what strikes me most is that you (Wendy) clearly *see* and *know* your son. That kind of understanding may be the greatest gift a parent can give, even into adulthood. I loved this piece and the heart behind it.
Wendy, these are truly beautiful reflections. They strike me as an attunement you share with your son that is a gift in its depth. Thank you for sharing.