Simple Way To Make Parenting Easier
Strategy to make parenting or any other inevitable life challenge a little easier.
Being a dad is easily the most important and gratifying role in my life. It changed me. It gives me purpose. It’s also really frickin hard.
The days are long but the years fly by.
We only stress about the things we care about and most parents don’t care about anything more than their kids. Keeping them safe, cultivating experiences, teaching them life lessons, being a good role model, balancing life’s priorities, providing, maintaining presence, staying rational and regulated during the hard moments, it’s all extremely challenging.
One thing is certain, parenting is hard. Inevitably, stressors are going to be present daily in a variety of ways when you’re responsible for a little human being.
There’s a simple way to make parenting (or anything else in life) much easier: do hard shit on purpose! The only way to become better prepared for the inevitable shit life is going to throw at you is to intentionally do hard shit on purpose.
Andrew Huberman, neuroscientist and host of the top-rated Huberman Lab Podcast covering all things human performance and health, has been discussing the newly understood brain area called the anterior mid cingulate cortex (amCC). The amCC is activated when we do work we don’t particularly like. If you’re a runner, this area won’t be activated because of a difficult run but will fire up in response to strength exercises assuming lifting isn’t as enjoyable. Challenging but enjoyable tasks are obviously beneficial and should be pursued. The recent work on understanding the amCC, however, highlights real benefit in also doing valuable things we resist. Occasionally leave your comfort zone to truly improve. The more resistant we are to a task, the more activation this area will experience. Like any other muscle or circuit, the more we stimulate this area, the easier it becomes to activate and eventually strengthen. Therefore, intentional stress in areas that are physiologically beneficial but also undesirable can produce the most benefit to one’s resilience. We actually have a location in our mind that reflects this!
Do things you don’t want to do but with good attitude. A good attitude doesn’t necessarily translate to enjoyment, especially when performing tasks you normally avoid. Attitude, however, can facilitate grit, perspective, and resilience in response to intentional or unavoidable adversity. Cultivate a resilient attitude and make the inevitable challenge of parenting and other stress easier.
There are so many great parenting strategies to help with empathy, reframing, connecting, modeling, teaching, and simply functioning effectively in response to the ever-changing dilemmas children will throw at us (see anything by Becky Kennedy for examples) but this is all made much easier by doing hard shit on purpose. Your perception of what is actually hard changes when you go out of your way to create your own challenges. If you cause the hardest thing to happen to you on most days, your days will be easier. Some of life’s daily stressors, that cause others significant stress, will become a breeze when you incorporate the practice of intentional stress.
Become more emotionally regulated, efficient, and proficient while responding to life’s demands by activating the amCC with intentional stress in areas you typically avoid. This is the most efficient path to building resilience.