17 Comments
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Stacy Boone's avatar

There exists a through line of tenderness within this piece. A reminder of tone. How awareness (whether it be voice or stature) helps to temper the next action, the next words.

Shared dinners are the best.

Kyle Shepard's avatar

Beautifully put Stacy. Mary Kate’s writing brings me peace.

Stacy Boone's avatar

She is a good balance.

Mary Kate Shepard's avatar

Thank you Stacy! Often times I find leading with tenderness gives more favorable outcomes, especially with kids. Holding the line, but doing so in a loving way is so hard sometimes because they seem juxtaposed. But I think the payoff in connection is huge. ❤️

TomD's avatar

And sadly it seems those shared family dinners are a memory of a bygone era if my daughter and her family as well as their friends are any indication. Might happen once a week. Kids running everywhere for after school sports etc, parents not home from work until 8. Lived in rural area as a kid. Father home like clockwork at 530. Dinner soon afterward. And of course mother didn't work outside of the home. Pretty sure those times for most are long gone

Stacy Boone's avatar

Tom, I am afraid I agree but it should not be so. When we have visitors, we require the nightly sit at the dinner table for a meal … with no phones.

Kyle Shepard's avatar

We try to make a point of doing it at least once per week on Sundays. Typically work in at least one more each week but I completely agree with your point.

TomD's avatar

And please keep the phones off the table!

Kyle Shepard's avatar

❤️👊🏻

Kai Makowski's avatar

Never a dull moment right ?! There is so much value in acknowledging… in recognizing and becoming aware of… commotion and related energy. It’s precisely what makes recalibration possible as you mentioned. Recalibration is such a powerful word… Though I may be a little biased being a lab tech for 20 something years. Thank you Mary Kate… this was reassuring.

Mary Kate Shepard's avatar

😊 The need for recalibration definitely spans settings, Kai! And commotion is such a [loud] signal that things can be tightened up. Not much thriving can happen in chaos. Thanks for your comment.

Kai Makowski's avatar

It sure does xo

Baird Brightman's avatar

Emotional regulation/dysregulation. Such a hugely important foundation for everything else, including family life as well presented in this essay.

(Editor comment: Mary Kate’s authorship deserves to be recognized by name. I’m a stickler for attribution!)

Mary Kate Shepard's avatar

Thank you, Baird! Yes, you nailed it. Such an important foundation. It’s something we are constantly trying to teach our kids. First through our own regulation, then talking about how we can help facilitate theirs.

Kyle Shepard's avatar

Haha agreed! Need to figure out how to make her a single author on these posts. Going to look into it so no one thinks I’m that good of a writer…

Baird Brightman's avatar

Check out https://substack.com/@thebulwark which has a roster of writers who get listed as “the” author on the essays they write. Not sure where the setting for that is located on the gnarly Substack platform.

Hope you're all feeling better. Life is hard enough when you’re NOT sick!!

Kyle Shepard's avatar

Thank you Baird. I’ll check it out